Slayer 26

I threw the empty box of tissues into the corner of my bedroom in irrational anger. Why was it empty already? It felt as if I'd just opened one; were there even any more boxes left? I stumbled toward the cabinet, muffling my sobs with a fisted hand so my mother wouldn't hear me and scream at me again. I'd had enough of that to last me a lifetime.
And then she would remind me of Cailler. 'Why are you like this? Cailler will never look at you if you're so useless!'
I couldn't be around him any more without having the urge to bawl my eyes out. It hurt too much, in my chest, like an agonizing tightening and twisting, some wild creature trying to claw its way out of my body, leaving flaming scars that would never close properly.
Unless he came to heal them—but that would never be, because he was in love with Alexis.
At that thought, the tears surged as I burst into a renewed round of sobs. I knew I was being all weak and un-slayer-like, but I had never hurt like this before.
Before Alexis had disappeared after going after the Vampire Lord, I'd only been one of Cailler's many admirers, and the only thing that made me distinctive from the rest was my mother's pressure. That was fine with me, because at that time, I could be content with loving him like all of the others. I did love him, and not only because my mother insisted, but because he was so amazing that I couldn't help myself.
Why did he have to love Alexis?
Well… If I was honest to myself, I could kind of see why. She was so skilled and strong that she could only be matched with Cailler. They were meant for each other, really, with the potential to grow into powerful leaders and rule the world. He deserved someone like her. She was as close to perfect as they came, and he ought to have nothing less.
I wanted to be her so much. I wanted to be as fierce and incredible and extraordinary as her, just so I could be meant for Cailler. But if he were with me, the weakling, he'd be missing out on so much. Things I couldn't give her but Alexis could.
They were meant to be. And while she lived, I would never have him. He would never give up.

~*~

I rolled over, yawning, but let out a high-pitched yelp of alarm when I ran into Xavier's muscular body. He jerked awake at once, but relaxed when he realized what happened, wrapping his arms around my waist when I tried to recoil back, blushing. "Sorry," I apologized at once.
"It's fine," he said with a smile, leaning closer to press his lips to where the neckline of my collar reached my skin, whispering, "Good morning."
"Of course it is," I replied, resting my head against his chest contentedly. "I'm with you."
"Always," he promised, kissing me on the mouth this time. My fingers fisted into the back of his shirt, wrinkling the fabric between my eager fingers, as I responded instinctively. He emitted a quiet little groan from the back of his throat, clutching me closer until air couldn't have passed through the space between our bodies.
There was so little I could comprehend—heat, everywhere, flooding my veins and sending my nerves sparkling with electricity-like adrenaline—my breathing so heavy and labored, almost like gasping—and most of all, Xavier himself. Xavier, Xavier, Xavier, all Xavier, overwhelming my senses with his skin against mine, scent filling my mind with headiness, lips moving in a way against mine that I thought would drive me insane. Every time was as consuming as this, so intense the possibility in staying like this forever was so tempting I would do anything for it to last so long.
I could do it.
I froze in astonishment, and he pulled away at once, worry filling his eyes. "Alexis?" he asked.
I couldn't reply, spellbound by what I had just realized. What I had finally registered completely in my mind. I could make my dearest wish come true, and he would be so willing to carry it out for me. It could be so easy to be with him forever, just like I wanted. This was so obvious; how could I had missed it before?
"Alexis!?" he repeated, gripping my shoulders anxiously. I couldn't respond, entranced by this idea, so simple yet so perfect. Any downside could be outbalanced by the most important reason with no effort at all.

~*~

What had I done wrong? We were just kissing—something I wished I could do for the rest of my never-ending life—and then suddenly, she had shut down. What had caused such an abrupt stop? She was like in a trance, her eyes blank.
I wanted to shake her awake, to fill her face back up with the fiery, passionate brightness that was Alexis so it could shine out and set my world alight again. I could only whisper her name, trying to call her back from places beyond my reach, deep in her mind.
When she didn't respond, I started to panic. Had something gone wrong? Was she sick or something? I reached out frantically with my mind instinctively, something I'd vowed not to do anymore. I'd promised myself so long ago I would never use my mind to make contact with another's, but in my terror, I couldn't help but reach for the answer I'd used so easily in childhood.
I sent the searching tendrils out, feeling them curl toward her life force, and I firmly reminded myself not to allow another incident like the fatal accident so many years ago before securing them to her mind.
And I hit a wall.
I withdrew quickly, cursing my memory. I'd forgotten that Prantons and Solomons had risen to power of all of the vampire slayers in the world because they'd been especially gifted, born with many benefits common people were not fortunate enough to have. One of these abilities was a shield against purebloods. We hadn't had many encounters on this, but apparently their minds were much stronger than the usual human. That must've been why she had been able to break out of the bindings the very first time we'd met, during our first fight.
I had begun to forget her heritage. After getting so close to her and falling in love, having her return the feelings, the boundaries had melted away completely. We were just two beings that loved each other, not a slayer and a vampire in love. Not the Pranton princess and heir and the Lord of all vampires.
I didn't want any of this anymore. I just wanted to be something simple. Me, Xavier. Her, Alexis. In love. Together. Happy.
That would be so much easier. Why couldn't life be like that?